


End of Heartache

by JulzSnape



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-15
Updated: 2010-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-01 21:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulzSnape/pseuds/JulzSnape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the scene in the Shrieking Shack in Prisoner of Azkaban, Sirius comes back to fix things with Remus. Will the werewolf find the end of his heartache? RL/SB slash. Please R&R!</p>
            </blockquote>





	End of Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the wonderful Harry Potter series. I am not writing for profit, only my own pleasure, and (hopefully) the pleasure of my readers.
> 
> WARNING: Remus Lupin/ Sirius Black slash relationship! No graphic sex scenes or anything, but the relationship is more than just implied.

**End of Heartache**

The stars were out that night, he could remember clearly. The velvety blackness that accompanied the new moon soothed his most recent collection of wounds and future scars. The soft breeze tickled his sweat covered body quite refreshingly as he closed his eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath.

It was nights like these he cherished the most. The world seemed to be at peace, even if it was a false sense of security. The silence of the late evening was like music to his ears as he gazed out over the ramparts of the Astronomy tower. Sometimes it seemed impossible to find this kind of solace, this comfort. After all he had been through, Remus was sure there would never be an end to his heartache.

The door opened quietly behind him, making his muscles tense only slightly. He had been expecting it, even hoping for it, but that didn’t mean he was ready for this confrontation. It was inevitable, but his chest ached as he fought not to turn around, not to see those familiar eyes staring into his own once more.

“Remus...”

He closed his eyes as the familiar yet scratchy voice floated on the breeze towards him. He clenched his hands around the stone wall, praying for strength he knew he didn’t have. This wasn’t right; he wasn’t supposed to be here. When someone ran, they weren’t supposed to come back – _ever_.

“Why are you here, Sirius?” asked Remus, his voice barely above a whisper. He wasn’t even sure Sirius would have heard him if the convict had not been sneaking closer and closer to him as the seconds passed by in tense silence.

“To see you, Remus. I had to come back; I couldn’t just leave it at what happened down there in the Shrieking Shack. I...I don’t even know what to say...”

Remus turned then, feeling his heart beat double-time as he finally looked into those hollow eyes, saw the hollow man for what he was. “What is there to say, Sirius? This distance, this dissolution...It’s too much, too wide, too damaged.”

Sirius’ eyes slid closed as salty tears made clean streaks down his grimy cheeks. The cool breeze stung at his burning eyes as he opened them once more, his expression one of longing, of deep seated regret, pain, remorse, guilt – there were too many emotions to describe.

“I’m sorry, Moony. I never stopped loving you, even when I had to pretend that I did so that the Dementors would let me keep my memories of you. I am not as broken as I appear, but if you don’t give me a chance, I will finally break.”

“Why should I? Because you’re innocent, you weren’t the spy after all? Big deal. You still left me all alone to deal with James’ and Lily’s deaths, and even Peter’s! You left me when I needed you, Sirius, and I can’t forgive that,” said Remus, willing the tears in his eyes to dry up and never threaten to fall again. He would not cry for Sirius anymore.

There was a steady flow of tears tracing their way down Sirius’ cheeks now as he struggled to breathe through his distress. Hyperventilation was starting to look like a good possibility in the near future.

“Please, Remus, please give me another chance. I didn’t know what was happening, it was all a blur. When I heard what Peter had done, rage just took me over. I wasn’t thinking properly – I wasn’t _thinking_ at all. I was just so mad, and James and Lily were dead, and you weren’t there to calm me down because of the stupid full moon...It was just too much, I had to _do_ something. I know I shouldn’t have gone after Peter like I did, and I’ll never forgive myself for being so stupid. I’m so sorry...”

Remus wiped away the tears that had finally slid down his cheeks, hating that he was allowing Sirius to see him so weak. “If you hadn’t wasted so much time thinking _I_ was the fucking spy, maybe you would have noticed Peter’s odd behaviour. Maybe if you had trusted me _half_ as much as I trusted you, James and Lily would never have died! Making Peter the Secret Keeper...You should have known better, Sirius.”

Sirius took a step forward, anger now included in the many mixed up emotions displayed on his hollowed out face. “That’s not fair, Remus, and you know it! You had no idea it was Peter either; no one suspected poor little Pettigrew! That’s what made his betrayal so easy, so _genius_! We were so busy blaming each other that we made it easier for him to stab us all in the back! How _dare_ you suggest that I should have known better? You were just as clueless as the rest of us,” Sirius hissed, feeling his chest tightened at the stricken look at Remus’ face. Apparently the werewolf had not expected Sirius to give him what for after pleading with him for another chance.

Both men were breathing heavily, as if they had just run a marathon. The cool breeze whipped around Remus’ patched robes, lifting up Sirius’ torn prisoner’s uniform.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. It was so hard, coming back from my transformation and learning that everyone I loved was gone. I had no way of knowing the truth, only what Dumbledore and the Aurors had told me. Then they refused to let me take Harry because of my affliction and instead shipped him off to those wretched muggles. I’ve spent thirteen years hating you for something you never did...and I don’t know how to fix it,” Remus whispered, his anger finally ebbing away as misery and heartache took its place once more.

“Just give me another chance, Moony. I love you, and I promise I’ll never leave you again,” Sirius said in a strained voice, reaching out towards the werewolf with a shaking hand.

“ _Don’t_. Don’t make that promise, because you can’t know that you’ll be able to keep it. I just...I want to forgive you, I do...” said Remus, his voice breaking as he tried to wipe his tears away again. He closed his eyes, trying to gather what little strength he had after his harrowing transformation. He jumped as he felt a roughened thumb swipe across his cheek, smoothing the tears away. Remus opened his eyes, staring into deep, slate grey ones.

“I’m sorry, Moony...”

Remus pulled the too skinny, grime covered, broken man into his arms. He brushed the tangled mane out of the shorter man’s eyes and smiled a sad smile. “I know. I am too.”

He leaned down and pressed his lips firmly to Sirius’, uncaring of his lack of dental hygiene or the way his lips were like dry, barren deserts. He kissed his long-lost lover like he had never kissed him before, and thought perhaps that maybe, this was the end of his heartache.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know what you think!


End file.
